Anonymous asked:

You have been shrunk down to the size of a byte and you are bouncing around on the Internet! What does everything look and feel like? How do you get around and how are you going to get out of there?

I guess everything would look pretty damn crazy at first. Like I just landed in Hong Kong during rush hour. So I’m Chris Tucker. This and that flying errywher, I’m constantly being pushed around. Eventually I find a way to understand the traffic and I start flowing along. I drive/walk/run from server to server; I see porn, wars, sports, porn, shopping items, cats, porn, RIP Nelson Walkers, porn (I never realized this before, but the internet is full of porn for some reason). Finally I fulfill my life’s biggest dream: to be stuck in your WiFi router, whoever you are, Anon. Then it becomes incomprehensible again, but a familiar incomprehensible for a change. I see [content removed due to life privacy violation], so I sit down and enjoy the show with a serene smile on my face. Maybe I stay there for a few weeks and study how the content changes in my absence. Whether I start seeing reasons to be jealous or not! Maybe I start feeling sad and guilty. In the end I will try to send you a message, one that will fill you with emotion and will let you know I’m still there. I love you.

Anonymous asked:

Imagine that television, movies, phones, etc. were never invented. How would you and your significant other (and your apparent other Tumblr significant other) spend an average evening?

I can only speak for myself, so here is a list of things I would probably do under those circumstances:

  • read
  • build a ship inside a bottle 
  • build an ant farm
  • create a model of my significant other using a rag doll and [content has been censored by Tumblr] till the end of my days
  • hang myself.

Anonymous asked:

Do you ever get the feeling that all your anons are asked by the same person?

I find that highly unlikely, Anon, simply because I don’t see who would be that curious about me.

Incidentally, what are you doing this December?

Anonymous asked:

If something disastrous happened and you and your significant other had to go into the Witness Protection Program, what new identity would you choose for the two of you (location, job, house, etc.? - pretend the government is totally cool and lets you pick.)

Location: Kissing, Bavaria, Germany

House type: cottage, green gables

Car: 1998 BMW, white; license plate: KS-AB407

Her:

-          Name: Piena DeMooch

-          Email address: piena.demooch@undersi.de

-          Occupation: H&H Supply Manager

-          Dyes hair red

Him:

-          Name: Benz U. Owehr

-          Email address: benz-u-owehr@firesi.de

-          Occupation: bus driver, daily trips between Kissing and Fucking, Austria

-          Shaves head, grows handlebar moustache

Anonymous asked:

How would you describe your Freundin or a hypothetical ideal Freundin using only the traits of female characters from the shows you follow?

Dear Anon,

Let me begin by saying dass meine Freundin schon ideal ist. Here’s why:

  • she’s as smart as Arya Stark;
  • she’s as sassy as Fiona Goode;
  • she’s as snobbish as Mary Crawley;
  • she’s as beautiful as Jessica Brody;
  • she’s falls in love like Daisy Mason;
  • she’s as stubborn (to be read “determined”) as Carrie Mathison;
  • she’s nothing like Dana Lazaro/Brody (99% of the time);
  • she’s as sarcastic as Lady Violet;
  • like Michonne, she can say a lot just by giving you The Look;
  • she’s as endearing as Cora Crawley;
  • she’s as dedicated as Catelyn Stark;
  • she’s as caring as Anna Bates;
  • she’s as fancy as Margaery Tyrell;
  • she feels as strogly as Debra Morgan;
  • she’s has the sex appeal of young Moira;
  • she has Sansa Stark’s passion for fancy clothes;
  • she has to deal with as much immaturity as Lisa Cuddy;
  • she is as loved as no one was ever loved before, even in fiction.